It sucks. It really, really sucks. We know. Especially if you’ve just had a spiritual awakening and realized that this was it – that was your soulmate – and yet it wasn’t to be. Maybe you feel like if you could just explain yourself properly, he/she would understand and realize? Yeah. It sucks.
Even without such revelation, a relationship is a very important part of everyone’s life. To quote Susan Sarandon’s character from the movie Shall We Dance, “We need a witness to our lives. There’s a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things… all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.’”
And losing that relationship shakes a great part of our universe. It hurts, and it will take its time. Just like we wouldn’t expect a deep cut in the flesh to heal overnight, so we will most probably battle for a while with the this emotional one. Sometimes we will bump the slowly healing wound on various reminders that will set off the pain again. But a little less each time. And there are things to help you through, and there’s even a possible silver lining we’ll get to later.
However, for the first days, our tip number 1 is totally escapism, although ideally not through the bottle. Here they are:
- Brush up that old, beloved classic comfort book with the edges of its beloved pages softened to the thinness of cheapest hotel toilet paper. Look up that favorite show on Netflix that always makes you feel warm. May we suggest the wonderful Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow and John Hannah? Go play soccer, handball, whatever it is that you enjoy and that promises to take your mind off things. It will do you good.
- Even though it may seem pointless and even wrong to you at the time, try your best to take good care of yourself. Most importantly, take sufficient B complex vitamins as well as vitamins C, D and E, take your minerals and other vitamins. Try to eat healthy. Emotional turmoil like this takes its toll on the body and it needs the support. Without it, things will simply get harder. You will not only be battling your emotional trauma, the body will add its weight to it, too. Remember how grumpy and/or weepy you feel when you’re sick? Put it together with what you already have to struggle with and give your body the nutrients it needs. Especially if you didn’t resist the call of the bottle and went on a post-break-up bender. You will be depleted of vitamins B (especially B1, B12, B9 / folic acid), D, C, and zinc. And guess what – depression and anxiety are symptoms of vitamins B and D deficiency. So don’t hesitate and invest in them. Vitamins and minerals are greatly underrated in their effect on the human psyche, just as underrated as all the alarming side effects of alcohol and various anti-depressants.
- Shamelessly complain to your friends! This is Clause 1 in any Friendship Agreement, written or unwritten – Thou Shalt Comfort Thine Friend After a Break-up. They love you and they want to help. So sob, blubber or bitch to your heart’s content, it does help to talk about it!
- Try and force yourself to do the things you have to do. Again, it sucks. And we do say try. You might fail with a few. But it will help, even though it is a massive pain in the neck. Write that report. Make those rounds. Attend that meeting. You might not perform to your best abilities, you might feel totally sorry for yourself, but it will still help.
- Try and stay positive for those around you. Funnily enough, waxing positive works, and staying brave out of a sense of duty does, too, even if all you want is to collapse on your bed in a darkened room. Which you will do at times, and that’s totally OK. Just not all the time.
- If you feel like things didn’t really come to a close, like there’s so much you should have said or didn’t explain properly – you’re missing closure – write a letter. You can send it or you can burn it ceremoniously, but it is good to formulate all the things you feel need to be said. Unfinished communications are very good wound openers.
- You may possibly think that whatever caused the break-up has ruined your life. That love and hope is lost. That you’ll never find such a person or such a feeling ever again. Everything around you is a wasteland and there’s no coming back to the former glory. And here’s the silver lining. You will in time come to realize one really important thing that should resonate throughout your life from there on out. It is impossible to ruin a life. That resilient bastard has a tendency to continue no matter what, and to present you, every day, with endless choices and possibilities. Wherever this fixation with “you’ve missed your chance” came from, it is false. Because there are choices and options everywhere. You can decide to be anything, do anything. Life and happiness can take on so many forms. And once you recognize this through all the pain, you will see an incredible freedom. A freedom that is all yours, and all you. An uncharted territory, yours to color as you wish. And hopefully, you will also realize the strength that is all yours, and all you. And whether you do or do not realize it, it will pull you through eventually. Just give it time.
Whether you will get back together or not, this love you’ve just had will always stay with you, and with your ex too, no matter what they may say. You will be happy again, you will laugh. And it is our warmest wish that you will be happy with the force of all the waterfalls in the world.